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Most of the NBA’s teams have officially crossed the halfway threshold of their schedule, which can mean only one thing: Andy and Dan need to hand out midseason report cards.

We start in the Western Conference, where things have gotten a little weird and chaotic and, thus, awesome since our quarterpole grades.

The Houston Rockets look human. The Utah Jazz appear finished. The Minnesota Timberwolves are surging. The Oklahoma City Thunder are kind of following suit. The San Antonio Spurs remain the San Antonio Spurs. The Golden State Warriors are still the Golden State Warriors.

The Phoenix Suns are sort of frisky. The Denver Nuggets are disappointing, as expected and exceeding initial impressions all at the same time. The Dallas Mavericks are embodying blah, while the New Orleans Pelicans have prime real estate on Mediocre Boulevard. The Portland Trail Blazers might have turned a corner. The Sacramento Kings and Memphis Grizzlies have not. The Los Angeles Lakers are no longer overachieving. The Los Angeles Clippers are rekindling their playoff hopes.

Almost needless to say, then, we have a lot of ground to cover and less than eternity to cover it. So let’s get cracking!